The Lift.

Lifts terrify me, the noise the sudden movements, the ones in my building have been mistreated and it shows. One Ka-thunks when it hits every level, the other drops half a floor when it starts up. I listen to my iPod to drown out the noise, and the silence. So to start off I’m not in a good frame of mine, my anxiety is climbing rapidly, The lift stops I almost get out, I quickly realise the lift has stopped on the 2nd floor, not the ground floor, I step back and she gets in, I acknowledge her, she looks odd but then she and I were friends until I ended it 8 months ago, last week we had coffee, she wants to patch it all up, she’s followed by her partner, we’ve been introduced over a year ago, we don’t know each other, then a tall woman gets in, I recognise her we’ve been to the same parties once or twice we have/had mutual friends I don’t need to look up again to know there’s a fourth person. Him, He’s embarrassed, that’s a first, it’s normally me that’s embarrassed, “you’ve ruined the surprise” now I know why she looks odd “what surprise?” “I’m coming up later tonight, it’s a surprise, you’ve ruined it, can you act surprised?” I barely look up from the ground, he hasn’t stepped over the threshold, He’s paused in that Charlie Chaplin pose his left leg forward his back unnaturally arched he’s holding the lift, I can see the body’s of the other three, tense, turned away, awkward, embarrassed, they know he wasn’t coming to see me, he didn’t want to see me while he was in town. “I don’t know if I can act surprised, I got kicked out of drama after all” I recognise the voice, it’s one I haven’t heard in ages, flat, hollow, detached, this is why I can’t stand him, not because he wasn’t going to visit, but because they feel sorry for me, because they think I’m pathetic, I need to be lied to, placated, patronized. “Come to dinner with us” I can see reflections in the mirror, I see him step forward, the lift doors close, the tension behind me hits my back harder than before, they don’t want me there “no thanks, I’m off to dinner now” “where?” he would ask wouldn’t he “Macca’s” “you have to act surprised” shut up, shut the fuck up. I practically sprint for the lift doors as they glide open, they follow “you’ll act surprised for me” god you’re a cunt, it’s awkward enough, I’m humiliated enough without you pretending without you acting it up. They follow me around; I press the green button to get the front doors of the lobby open, He keeps on about surprise be surprised, my anger grows I don’t look back I just make noises that sound agreeable fuck that asshole now I’m going to order two deluxe cheeseburgers just to calm down.